Serenity Now!I am new to this blogging thing but I really do need to vent some. About my oldest son. Cody.
He. Is. Driving. Me. Nuts! I am homeschooling him and his sister Cortney. I have homeschooled Cody off and on throughout his schooling career. The best way to describe Cody and public school is it is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, aint gonna happen baby. At least not easily.
So he has been home 5 out of the last 10 years. Cortney decided she wanted to be homeschooled for sixth grade. She even wrote me a whole page of why she wanted to homeschooled with reasons I could not argue with. I am ashamed to say that I encouraged her to stay in public school. I asked her if she would miss her friends, she said she would still see her friends which is true. I told her she miss sixth grade science camp and she said that was fine with her etc. So,I let her stay home too. I was going to homeschool her starting in seventh grade anyway, I can't stand out Jr. High school.
Here is a typical morning:
Me: Cortney you need to do your spelling, grammar and literature.
Cortney: Okay mom.
I don't see or hear from her again for at least and hour when she is finished and ready to go over her work. She may have a question now and then but she works hard until she is done.
Me: Cody, you need to do today's grammar.
Cody sits at the table and looks at what the assignment is which may be reading 2 or 3 pages and an exercise or two.
Cody: Do I have to do both these exercises, can't I just do one?
Me: No Cody, you have to do both.
Cody: Well, do I have to write 5 paragraphs, can I just write 2.
Me: No Cody, you have to do all five, that is the assignment.
Cody: But it is so much, I will never finish...
Me: Just keep working Cody, you will get it done.
This is followed by blank stares into space, lots of sighing and eye rolling.
Cody: I will do something else and do this later.
Me: No Cody, do it now.
Then he is up about 12 times to get a pencil, a piece of paper, go to the bathroom, sharpen his pencil, get drink of water and, well, you get the picture.
This goes on all day with every subject. He is always like this, day in and day out. I realize that if he were in public school I would have no idea what he was doing and I am 99.99999% sure he would not be doing his schoolwork or homework. Plus he would complain about all of his teachers and have an excuse as to why he wasn't doing his work, and how it was someone else's fault. I just keep telling myself that a bad day of homeschooling Cody is better than a good day of school for him. And yes, I have had him tested for every learning disorder and ADHD and he doesn't have any of that.
I have to do something to change this. To turn this around. I manage to hold my temper but I am getting so frustrated with him. I just don't know what to do anymore. It would be easy to say that he is a teenager and that is how all teenager act but it isn't. And he doesn't have to act like *all* teenagers. He has a choice.
6 comments:
OK, I may be COMPLETELY out of line, and please tell me to go sit and spin if I am...
If you have had him tested and there's no organic problem, then you are 100% right - he DOES have a choice. And now you "just" have to give him the choices and let him make them and take the consequences.
"Cody, the assignment is X, and it needs to be finished by Y. If it's not completed by Y, then no Z tonight"
"But Mom, can't I just do half?"
"No. Completed by Y, or no Z tonight."
"BUT MOM! I'll never finish by Y!"
"Not if you don't get a move on."
Then leave the room. Don't engage him. Go upstairs and scream into a pillow, and start figuring out how to unhook the xbox.
Later, when he hasn't completed X (and he won't the first dozen times you do this if he's like every 14 year old boy I've ever met):
"Cody, did you finish X?"
"No, I told you I couldn't."
"OK, we'll try that assignment again tomorrow. Tonight, though, there's no Z."
"That's not fair!"
"Yes it is. You didn't finish. You'll ahve another chance tomorrow to get Z back."
"I HATE YOU!"
"Well, Cody, I'm sorry you feel that way. But if you're mad at me right now, that's OK."
End of discussion.
Make sure dad backs you up on this.
Now, mind you, I don't have kids. But I work with teens, and this seems to work - eventually. It'll drive you crazy because you just want him to do as he is told (like your daughter), but a few days without Z will change his mind.
Boys and girls are different - especially when it comes to dealing with Mom. Girls (until they reach 16 and then suddenly hate you) want to please you, while boys want to test you.
You're the Mom - you automatically get an A on that test.
How's Vern?
Jessica,
Thanks for the post and the advice.
I have already tried all that. Video games, all electronics, are not allowed until Friday afternoon and allowed only to the children that have had a good week. TV is limited to one hour a night. Which Cody does not get now because of a bad grade on a math test. He can earn TV back when he gets a good grade on a math test.
I have taken everything away from him except books hoping he will start reading. He will go just go to bed.
I have even told him that he can not have lunch until he finished his work, he does it eventually.
I am just at the end of my rope. I have to figure out what to do now. My three year old is so much easier!
I don't engage him, well, rarely when I have finally hit my frustration limit. I am a very patient person. My husband backs me up 110%!
Cody has never said that he hated me, none of my kids have. I don't know what I would do if they did. Probably break out crying, he does still care about my feelings and other than the school stuff he is a good kid :).
Never too soon to vent. Unfortunately, I can't help you. I have one kid and she's only 20 months old. Any advice I have is stuff you already know.
Sorry :( Hang in there.....it will get better.
Hmmmm, well maybe there's a different consequence that means more to Cody, especially since the electronics are already so limited (good for you!). Time outside? Spending time with a certain friend?
Or, maybe Cody just really hates school work, and just isn't a student.
My brother was a D student with an IQ of 140. He wasn't LD. He wasn't ADHD. He just simply hated school and classwork. What he wanted to be was a mechanic. Now, some people think that's a waste of brain power with an IQ that high, but my mom said, "OK, you'll go to vocational school." No college. He now makes 4 times what I make with my fancy advanced degree, and he actually TEACHES mechanics. Who knew?
You could send him to live with Gypsies - that'll learn him. (Did your mother threaten you with this? Mine did.)
I agree with Kellie. Never too soon to vent. I always wondered how two kids could be so drastically different behaviorally, but all three of my siblings and myself are seemingly from four different sets of parents. Cody will come into his own at some point. I'm pulling for you in the meantime.
Kellie and Kris, thanks for the moral support, it does help :).
Jessica, I think that is it, he just doesn't like school work. He is smart and really wouldn't have to work that hard, but he just doesn't want to. I have been trying to impress upon how much *life* costs but he is young...
I haven't threatened to send him to live with the gypsies, but he is threatening to live with us forever - eek.
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